Read The Shocking Truth About Who Has To Change In The Relationship?

Read The Shocking Truth About Who Has To Change In The Relationship?

Read The Shocking Truth About Who Has To Change In The Relationship?

The Shocking Truth About Who Has To Change In The Relationship?



Have you ever been in a relationship? Oh. Wait. Are you thinking of getting into one? Well, I can tell you this for free that relationships are sweet and fun when you get a meaningful one, but they are not a bed of roses. As a matter of fact, nothing in life ever is. Maybe the reality is that there is a flaw in everything and this is what makes life so interesting. So who has to change in the relationship? many people ask themselves this question subconsciously without always expressing it verbally to their partners.

I don’t know whether you have heard this song called, ‘We Need a Resolution’ by Aaliyah. In this song, the couple cites issues that they have with each other. They know that they need a resolution but the ultimate question is who has to change in the relationship to get this Resolution? It’s a deep song and It is so coincidental that it is the same question we are tackling today.


Who has to change in the relationship? I know. It is one sensitive issue. You are probably experiencing issues with your partner, married or not and you cannot wait for me to highlight the solution to this problem already. Well, hold your horses because you are about to find out. Why do I sound so sure of myself? Well, here is a short story.

My girl was the sweetest human being I had ever met but she used to have this very annoying habit or character. She never used to say “NO” to anyone. Yes, she was a total people pleaser. It was like she was incapable of uttering the word “NO”. Your guess is as good as mine, and some people would say this is a good thing in some cases, but I’m using it as an example.

She often did things that no boyfriend would ever agree to, such as accept invitations from so-called friends to places that she hated without thinking it over before agreeing to it. I would then be swamped with her complaining to me all evening afterwards, which was emotionally draining.

Am i supposed to change and suppress my true feelings about these decisions of hers? or do i need to express my views and she needs to stop saying “YES” to going to places she hates? Yes. I used to ask myself who has to change in the relationship? So yes, I know exactly what you are going through.

I am using past tense here because eventually, we resolved the issue.


According to Havard University Psychology William James, the author of the Principles of Psychology & Lou Gray at the Thought Catalog, there are things about people that cannot be changed. These include root personality traits, hobbies, some of your partner’s body to mention but a few. On the other hand, there are things that can be and should be changed if they are crippling a relationship. Some of these aspects are;

a) Unhealthy habits.

b) Routine.

c) Social structure.

d) Attitude.

e) Location of residence.


According to relationship expert Lisa Firestone, good change is essential in a relationship since it shapes the relationship for the better. Here are some of the situations that raise the question, who has to change in the relationship?

1. You and your partner have been dating for a while now and think that you should move in together. However, the problem is who should be moving out of his/her place in order to move in with the other person?

2. You are in a relationship but you live far from each other. You have both agreed to reduce the distance but do not know who should change their place of residence and move nearer.

3. You have an amazing partner who has unhealthy habits like excessive gambling, drinking or smoking.

4. Your partner is a social butterfly who likes to go out a lot but you are an indoor person or vice versa.

5. You have been in a relationship and you think that you should meet your partner’s parents one year into the relationship while your partner thinks it should be after three years into the relationship or vice versa.

6. According to your partner, you should spend almost all the time together but you think it is okay if you spent two to three hours a day together or vice versa.

7. You are in an LGBT relationship and are under pressure from your partner to disclose the relationship to family members or friends.

8. Your in a relationship where you are under pressure from your partner or to change religion to officially get married.

9. You are under pressure from your partner to commit and get married.

10. If you are a parent that finds yourself in a new relationship, it is likely that your new partner would be required to adjust around the circumstances due to the children’s schooling. This adjustment could be moving property, picking up and dropping off children or contact arrangements with the child’s father/mother.


If I highlight all the situations that make us wonder who has to change in the relationship? I will probably run out of writing material. These are just a few of the situations that we find ourselves in. It is when we are faced with such situations that the question of who has to change in the relationship normally comes up.


The bitter truth is the person to change in the relationship is the one with the most or least power. What do I mean by most or least power? let’s now talk about what brings power in a relationship.

What brings power in a relationship?

According to Theresa DiDonato, PhD of Psychology today, power changes in relationships as time passes by. This is due to changes in circumstances, lifestyles or emotional needs.

What brings power in a relationship is a complex and interesting topic and there are many aspects that answer this, such as:

  • Who loves who the most.
    When you love someone, you are willing to make sacrifices for this person. If this feeling is not reciprocated, it leaves the person most in love vulnerable to the other person’s needs & influence.
  • Resisting influence.
    We are inclined to believe power as being persuasion, however, that certainly is in no way the definitive kind of power. Unquestionably the capability to withstand your spouse’s suggestions, counter his or her recommendations, or veto their decisions can be equally an essential and significant form of relationship power.
  • Interdependence.
    Interdependence means dependence concerning entities such as men, women or different countries on each other. So in other words who needs who the most. There are so many examples of this, from childcare to emotional support. In some cases, partners don’t know how much their other halves rely on them.
  • Personal finances.
    Who has the most money to make changes and effective decisions in the relationship, such as where you will live together, who will move nearer to who or how you will spend your time together?


  • All of the above are some vital aspects of what brings power in a relationship. If you think we have missed anything? Please add it to the discussion in the comments area below.


The best solution is compromising with each other. Nothing in life was ever achieved with a totally selfish attitude because no man or woman is an island as everybody needs or wants something or somebody.

If you love your partner or have intentions to take things to the next level you would make the sacrificial changes to satisfy the other party. In addition, the one with the unhealthy habit should also make the attempted change. If for example, the reason your relationship is failing is due to too much drinking, smoking or losing too much money over gambling, you will have to reduce or stop these habits as keeping good personal health and a healthy meaningful relationship should always be most peoples priority, as well as keeping an independent lifestyle & healthy bank balance.

If your partner’s routine hinders you from spending quality time together he/she should try to change the routine or try to slot your relationship in somewhere, however it is all a matter of the accused person’s priorities and motives.


In conclusion, this article is food for thought. It’s about Power, Priorities and Compromise! there are things like root personality traits, hobbies and the way your partner relates to his/her family that cannot be changed. However, there are others like unhealthy habits, routine, attitude and location that can be changed.

The one who has to change in the relationship is the one with the most or least power depending on how u look at the situation, what your priorities are and what your willing to compromise with. After all, if you’re not really into the person your with, why would you sacrifice your priorities for them? Or furthermore If you are a parent that finds yourself in a new relationship and it is likely that your new partner would be required to adjust around the circumstances due to the children’s schooling, this type of situation would definitely be a priority for the parent as well as the child’s education and the parent should not change to satisfy their new lover.

The person who has the unhealthy habit or the one whose routine is not beneficial to the relationship should try to change for the progression of a meaningful relationship.

I hope this read has enabled you to find a solution to your question and also given you some clarity on who has to change in the relationship? Is it you or your partner? That is entirely up to you.


Comments (10)

  • Serghei Reply

    Well, I can say: In my family I do changes and my wife also, we always advise between us and choose the right decision. The most important is the esteem between partners.

    August 20, 2018 at 9:07 pm
    • S.K Reply

      That sounds like a healthy relationship Serghei, it sounds like you compromise, respect each other’s opinions and both make decisions in the marriage. A beautiful thing. ??

      August 20, 2018 at 9:21 pm
  • Francesco Reply

    It’s really difficult to know what to change because family harmony consists of subtle balances. We must always respect each other.

    August 31, 2018 at 9:06 am
    • S.K Reply

      Absolutely Francesco, subtle balance is a must. It a very tricky subject and it is not just black & white, there are many different variables and scenarios which decide who has to change in a relationship and this article was created to give food for thought for all that read it, and to encourage people to give examples of change in a relationship.

      August 31, 2018 at 9:57 am
  • Jeff Reply

    We’ve been together for 28 years and I think we’ve both changed. At this point in our relationship I think we’ve arrived at a happy medium regarding any big changes. Now we can work on the more subtle things. We’re in this for the long haul.

    August 31, 2018 at 6:48 pm
    • S.K Reply

      Hi, Jeff sounds like a wonderful relationship. 28 years is a very long time. What is the secret to the success of your relationship? I’m sure our readers would love to know how to replicate that success in their own lives. 🙂

      August 31, 2018 at 8:21 pm
  • Egor Reply

    Woo, tricky issue. Yes relationships are a power struggle. Battle of the sexes. lol. We must remember to be respectful, and always understand the other persons needs.

    December 7, 2018 at 5:54 pm
  • Alastair Reply

    After literally years without a relationship I have unexpectedly found myself in one, with a super sexy little pixie.
    We don’t live in the same town or even county, so while we would love to be together 24/7 it’s just not physically or economically possible right now. In time it will happen, but for now the enforced apartness serves to make the time we are together even more brilliant. And the sex is the best I have ever experienced, at the grand old age of 50.

    March 25, 2019 at 3:59 pm
    • S.K Reply

      Excellent Alastair, that’s great stuff, at some point, one of you will have to make the change if you want to be living together. Let’s hope the decision is a simple one for both of you.

      March 25, 2019 at 5:31 pm
  • Cindi Reply

    You guys had to go there. lol. Yes its the battle of the sexes. My way or the highway I’m afraid.

    August 2, 2019 at 8:24 am

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